Improving daily

Each day I feel like I am returning more and more to normal.
My body is still telling me that just had a major beat-down.
I'm a little sore, and tired throughout most of the day.
The tired like you have after a long day of work.
Took the puppy out for a walk around the block.
May venture out to the store with the wife.

Cancer Free???

Wednesday, July 30:

I went in for a robotic radical prostatectomy to remove my entire prostate.  Normal recovery is about 1 day, sometimes 2.  Mine was 3 days. 

When they did the procedure, they put me in an inverted incline to get at everything better.  They also pumped my stomach with CO2 gas so there is room to see and let the robot get to everything.

The procedure went well.  My Dr., who has done over 1,000 of these procedures, believes he got everything including one of nerves that showed up on the biopsy as having cancer surrounding it.

Thursday, July 31:

I had had enough of the hospital and wanted out.  One of the best ways to get the gas out is by doing a lot of walking so I was taking laps around the 6^th floor about every hour. 

The problem... my body didn’t react well to the pain meds and anesthesia.  It shut down and wouldn’t let the gas out (by farting). 

By Thursday afternoon the pain was excruciating!

I hadn't had anything to eat in over 48 hours and the narcotics were making me jittery.

At one point I was thinking that if this were the pain and discomfort I was feeling during an ironman, I’d quit. 

Then I realized, 

I’m not a quitter.  

I wouldn’t quit an ironman and I’m not quitting with this pain. 

Pain is weakness leaving the body. 

I am strong!

Friday, August 1:

Walk, walk, walk, walk, walk…  

I just did an easy half marathon on Sunday.  

I can walk another 13.1 miles around the 6^th floor if I have to.  

One of the nurses told me that they were going to charge me if I wore out the carpet.

Realizing that there was no chance of me going home Friday night my wife went to go home at 8:30.  She was praying for me with our friends Greg and Annett, and it came!

“I just farted!”

Talk about an answered prayer!

Andrea wrote it on my little room whiteboard.

8:31 PM 1^st Fart

Saturday, August 2:

After passing more gas during the night, the Doc put me on clear liquids.

All was well so he put me on what the hospital called food.

If I was ok with this and passed some gas, then I could go home.

Pretty gross but I ate some of it,

farted,

and went home.

End of story.

HOME

Saturday evening… Home!
More to come after a good night sleep

Homeward bound

Passed gas last night. Hopefully on my way home today.

Still recovering

Wow. Who knew farting was so important?  Can't get out of here until I pass gas. PAINFUL day yesterday. Better so far today. Pray for farts!

The morning after

Didn't sleep well last night. My abs felt like I had done about 1,000 sit-ups along with bad gas pains. I think it's all the pushing around of the ab muscles and the gas they put in to blow you up for the robot to have room to work and see everything
They gave me something to sleep at 1:00 along with some Norco and Tylenol drip. Felt a lot better by 5:00.  Guess I have to get up and walk before I can go home. Still too much pain to do it now. Maybe In a few hours.

Let's get this done and over with

At this point I just want to be over the whole thing.
Cut it out.
Send me home to recover
Then get back to normal, or my new normal, with way less worry about the small stuff.

Surgery is at noon tomorrow (July 30).  Should be about 4 hours. Then recovery. Then when they get an open room they will stick me there for the night.

On another note.
Had a great run Sunday.  I did the first half of the San Francisco Marathon.  I signed up for the entire marathon and Dr. said it would be ok, but I just didn't want to take the chance of being sore going into surgery and make my body recovery from a long run and surgery.
It also marked week 169 of 10+ mile runs.  Every weekend for the last 3 years and 3 months I have been healthy enough to do a long run of at least 10 miles.  Now that streak of runs ends at 169.
Hay, I have a new goal… 170 weeks.

I'll put out a short, "I'm ok" post sometime after surgery.  Probably Thursday or Friday.
Keep up the prayers!

Redeeeee...

Shortly after I found out I had prostate cancer this picture came into my mind. 

Rocky against the Russian giant. 

Me against this huge killing machine called cancer. 

I was determined that I wouldn’t just stand there and take my beating.

I’m ready.

I know surgery is going to hit me hard, but I’m planning on getting right back up on my feet.

I’ll chase my enemies and they will fall before me... (Leviticus 20:7)

I’ve seen cancer take down friends and family who haven’t been able to fight.

I can fight. 
I’m going in swinging...

6 MILES WITH THE ROCKET

I can only take one step at a time...

Where did June go?

Where did the 4^th of July go?

Less than a month away from surgery.

On July 2, I had my pre-op physical with my primary care Dr.

He was more concerned with my mental health than my physical health.  He mentioned that my blood work and EKG look good but we talked more about the emotional aspect of the surgery.  After having the same surgery a year ago he understands the difficulty of hearing about all the possible outcomes and not knowing how you’re going to come out of it.  One of the most difficult things for him was waiting a week after surgery to get the pathology report. I know I’ll have those questions after surgery too. Did they get it all? Was the cancer more or less aggressive than the biopsy showed? Am I done with treatment? My appointment was more like talking to a friend who happens to be a doctor, about his experiences. I sure am blessed to have a Dr. like him.

The cancer messes more with my head than with my body.  Every day, every hour, wherever I turn it keeps getting into my head. While I was running Saturday, I was half way up a hill and started to get winded. The voices kicked in. “Why are you doing this?”  “You can’t do it.” When I came to the turn, instead of crossing the bridge, I pushed further up the hill about another 100 feet before I turned and went over the bridge.

I called it my, “F. you cancer, I’m the one who will determine what I can and can’t do” training.

Running is great therapy and it’s cheap.

It’s still hard for me to look out into the future and make plans or goals. 

My mind just shuts out the future.

I don’t have a fear that I won’t have a future, but my mind can only deal with getting this chapter behind me. 

So my wonderful wife sends me the following:

"When we are sure that we are on the right road there is no need to plan our journey too far ahead. No need to burden ourselves with doubts and fears as to the obstacles that may bar our progress. We cannot take more than one step at a time." - Orison Swett Marden

All I have to do is take one more step...

Why I run...

Every weekend I get up early and go for a long run of at least 10 miles. 

For over three years I’ve done this without missing a single weekend. 

This morning I was up at 4:30 to get out on the trail by 5:30.

I completed week 165 today with a 15.5 mile run.

The most amazing thing is the fact that for more than three years I haven’t been sick enough to stop me from running at least 10 miles. 

I’ve only had a couple of colds over the last three years that made me even question if I could run 10 miles.

But I’ve done it; every weekend.

It’s not just about getting up early on the weekends and running 10-20 miles. 

It’s all of the in-between miles.

It’s the cold rainy mornings at 5:00 when I don’t even want to get out of bed.

It’s making myself do what my body doesn’t want to do.

It’s pushing myself to do one more mile.

It’s putting on those running shoes day after day.

Rain or shine, alone or with thousands of other runners in a race.

People ask if I always enjoy running.

Not all the time.

But it’s the tough runs that make the great runs so good.

It’s the tough days in life that make the great days so good.

It’s the tough times that make me appreciate the good times all the more.

So in a month, July 30, my streak of running 10 miles every weekend will come to an end.

It’ll be a day to remember.

It won’t be a day that I failed at something.

It’ll be the day I will have kicked cancer’s butt; cut the sonofabitch right out!

And then I get the excitement of starting to run all over again.

Walking a mile, then running a mile, then running two miles, three miles, four miles...

It’ll get back up to 10 miles, then 13.1, then 26.2

That’s the way I choose to look at it.

Thanks to so many of you who have been with me on those 10+ mile runs.

There will be many more to come!

  

Same disease; different journey….

I'm not an expert on cancer by a long shot.
I'm learning what cancer isn't.
It isn't a death sentence.
It isn't who I am.
It isn't going to beat me down.
It isn't going to use me to bring others down.
It isn't going to win!

I'm also learning what cancer is doing.
It is making me a stronger person.
It is giving me a different view on what's important.
It is making me enjoy life.
It is bringing me closer to my wife.
It is making me depend on others for strength.
It is making me healthier.

Last week two people I know were diagnosed with cancer.
I have to apply what I have learned.

It's all in the way you look at things.

When people ask why I take the  hard road,
I reply, "You assume I see two roads."

Update...

Not much to really update on.
Surgery is still a long ways off (July 30) so I'm just trying to stay fit and healthy.
Running about 30 miles a week.
Getting in a few bike rides here and there.
Working out in our home/garage gym most days.
Eating organic whole foods, fruits and vegetables with a little fish and chicken.
Juicing 2-4 times a day to ramp up the enzymes and nutrients.
No processed foods. (Bread, pasta, cereal, crackers, chips, cookies…)
Reading about cancer and prostate cancer while trying not to obsess over it.
It sure is wonderful being a teacher with summers off!
I am amazed at all the prayer, positive thoughts, and support I'm getting.
Please keep it up. It gives me strength.
I need that strength for the times when I can't find it.
And so I continue…
I won't back down.
I won't give up.

Thanks for the reminder Harr!

da Vinci

I have a date.
July 30, 2014.
I'll be having a RRP or Robotic Radical Prostatectomy.
My urologist/oncologist will cut out my entire prostate using a da Vinci surgical robot.
It may take up to 4 hours and I should only have to spend one night in the hospital.

I'm glad to have a date nailed down but it also makes it seem all the more real to me.
At first I was thinking that with the later date of July 30 I would run the SF marathon on July 27.
After a little thought I figured, why?
Just because I signed up for it in January?
There is absolutely no need to make my body recover from a 26 mile run AND surgery all in the same week.
I'll save my strength for the surgery recovery.
The SF marathon also has an option to run the first half or second half, so I'll just run the first half at an easy pace.

I, not events, have the power to make me happy:

When I get up in the mornings, it’s there.

When I go running in the morning, it’s there. 

Throughout the entire day, it’s there.  

When I go to bed, it’s there.

I can’t get it out of my head.

It’s changed the way I see things; everything.

But I have a choice.

I can choose to see the things I can do, or the things I can’t do.

I choose to see the things that I can do.

It’s my choice to make.

Cancer can’t make that choice for me.

The great philosopher, Groucho Marx said,

Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself:

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy.

I can choose which it shall be.

Yesterday is dead; tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet.

I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.

Thank you cancer for changing the way I see things.

Thank you for making me realize the choice is mine, not yours.

I might not always make the right choice, but today I choose to be happy.

It looks like I will be having my robotic radical prostatectomy surgery on July 30 but no confirmation yet.  If it is July 30 I might be able to run the San Francisco marathon on July 27 if the Dr. gives me the ok.