Don't Think… Just Run

It's not always easy getting up at 4:25 AM to get in a run before work.
I'm out the door, on the street with the dog by 5:00.
This morning I found myself standing in the middle of the street with my dog Rocket thinking, "What am I doing?  I'm tired and I really don't feel like doing this."
So I look at Rocket to see if he really wanted to run.
This voice comes flooding into my head and overpowers all of those other voices.
"DON'T THINK - JUST RUN"
"It's cold."
"DON'T THINK - JUST RUN"
My feet start moving.
"You're sore."
"DON'T THINK - JUST RUN"
"Run tomorrow."
"DON'T THINK - JUST RUN"
"Just run one mile."
"DON'T THINK - JUST RUN"
"Ok… that's one mile, turn around and make it two miles"
"SCREW 2 MILES"
"SCREW 3 MILES"
"RUN 4 MILES"
And that's how the morning went.
All of that before 6:00AM, while most people were still sleeping.
I Ran Today.

Be Strong

So I stay strong.

13.1

Quick update since I can't seem to find the time to get things done.
In January I signed up for the Urban Cow half marathon.  It starts and finishes just a half mile from my front door.  Little did I know about all the events that would take place to get me to October 5th.
After I was able to run the Zero Prostate Cancer 5K in San Francisco two weeks ago I realized that I might really be able to finish a 13.1 mile half marathon.  I figured I might have to do a lot of walking, but hopefully I could finish, and if I didn't, there would be plenty more to come.

Fast forward to Sunday, October 5:
It was the 10th Cowtown / Urban Cow gathering at our house since it's so close to the race.  Friends bring their friends, and friends of friends… and this year was no different.  Great to have everyone over in the morning.  Going into the race I planned to run 5 minutes, then walk 1 minute, throughout the race.  I wasn't sure how far I would make it or how fast, or should I say slow, I would run.  Jon stuck with me the entire way and Jess joined us at the halfway relay point.  I was amazed I felt so good.  I had some energy left after mile 12 so I picked up the pace to the finish.

I finished in 2:22:49, way better than I would have ever thought I would do.  I thought my time was about the same for the SF marathon, first half, I ran three days before surgery.  It was… my time in SF was 2:22:27, just 22 seconds difference.  I took both races real easy with no time goal but it felt good to run the same pace pre and post surgery.  I feel good.  I wasn't sore after the race and I'm still not sore more than 24 hours later.

I'm not planning any other races for the rest of the year.  I'd just like to get back to doing at least 30 miles a week by the end of the year.  I'll wait until January before I really think about races for 2015.  I'd like to get in a marathon next year and maybe a 1/2 ironman.  I'm not going to push anything.

8@8

It’s ironic that the ironman triathlon at Lake Tahoe that I was training for when I was diagnosed with prostate cancer (April 30, 2014) was cancelled due to smoke in the air from the large fire in the Sierra Nevada Mountains.

Makes me think back to May; when I was struggling on which treatment to choose.

If I did radiation I wouldn’t have to change my training schedule much.  I could most likely still be in good enough condition to do the race.

If I did brachytherapy, implant little radioactive “seeds”, I would have to cut way back but might still be able to do the race as long as I started treatment soon.

If I did surgery I wouldn’t be able to do the race at all.  I’d be risking serious injury if I got back on the bike too soon.

Or, if I had listened to the first urologist I talked with, I could have waited until after the race then begin my treatment.

Then I shut the door.

I made up my mind that I wasn’t going to do the race. (At least not this year)

I couldn’t let one race cloud my judgment on what treatment would be best for me in the long run; 5 years, 10 years, 20 years down the road.

As soon as I made that decision the smoke cleared and I was able to look at my choices logically without any barriers.

After talking with a radiologist and second urologist I was 100% convinced that robotic surgery was what I needed.

Fast forward to July 30.  Radical Robotic Prostatectomy.  It wasn’t a cakewalk.  Going into it I was hoping that, maybe, because I was in good shape, I’d recover quickly.  That all flew out the window after surgery.  I was going to take as much time off work as I needed.  I worked at making myself rest.

Fast forward to six weeks after surgery.  My surgeon said that I could start running again six weeks the surgery.  (Some doctors say earlier is ok, but wasn't going to push it.)  If I wasn't ready I’d wait seven weeks, or eight weeks; whatever it took until I was ready.  But at six weeks I was able to run 3 miles and felt good.

Fast forward to seven weeks post surgery.  I had the support of 30 people walking and running the Zero Prostate Cancer 5K in San Francisco with me, one day before the ironman in Tahoe was supposed to take place.  Looking at it now, I think - no - I KNOW, that 5K means more to me than it would have if I had completed the ironman.

Fast forward to eight weeks post surgery; today.  I went back out to Lake Natoma to my usual weekend long run spot.  It was good to be out doing a long run again.  I went out 4 miles with some of the group then turned back as they went further.  On the way back that voice I hadn’t heard in weeks came back at me. 

“You call this a run?”

“You’re so weak.”

“You probably can’t even finish this 8 miles.” 

All I could do was laugh.  I actually laughed out loud.  Hopefully nobody was watching or they would have thought I was crazy. 

I’d heard that voice before I was diagnosed but it really hit me hard, and time and time again after my diagnosis.  I wrestled with it then.  I said I was going to win this fight and I did.  So when that voice came back today; I laughed, turned up my music, picked up the pace, and finished the 8 miles.  Eight miles, Eight weeks after surgery to rid my body of cancer.  I’m sure it’s been done before but I’m not racing against anyone. 

I like what one of the greatest runners ever, Steve Prefontaine, said:

“You have to wonder at times what you're doing out there. Over the years, I've given myself a thousand reasons to keep running, but it always comes back to where it started. It comes down to self-satisfaction and a sense of achievement."

You'll never know if you can do it if you don't try.

Recovery

I’ve been feeling pretty good on my runs this week. 

I ran at least 3 miles four times this week.

I ran the 5K in 31 minutes (10 min/mi pace)

Not the fastest but it was the fastest I’ve run since surgery. 

My wife reminded me that I said I was going to do the 5K, even if that meant a slow shuffle with someone holding me up, and someone holding a catheter bag.

I made it.  I stopped numerous times but just to take pictures.

No soreness from running but I still have a little soreness in my abdominal area from the surgery.  It’s all kind of around the area where the incisions were made and the robot stuck it’s little arms in me.  It’s pretty mild and just feels like I did a few too many sit-ups.

I’m still not operating on full energy.

I was a little tired each day after work and after the 5K I was ready for bed about 7:30.

And... I went the entire day Saturday without a pad for incontinence.  I really don’t think I need them any more but I’ll keep using them at work just in case.

Goals

My brain still isn’t able to set goals for too far in the future.  It just doesn’t want to go there yet.  I’ve been getting a lot of emails from different group-lists about Ironman Lake Tahoe.  I just delete them. 

I want to take the rest of this year to recover and get strong and healthy. 

I do have a half marathon in two weeks and have no idea if I can do it or not.

I figure I can do a lot of walking.

I’m going to try.

And if I fail, I’ll try again another day.

I’ll get there someday.

I’ll get back and run marathons again too.

I’ll try for an ironman too someday.

I’ll never know if I can do it if I don't try.

Support

Beards for Bill                              

September is Prostate Cancer awareness month and the organization called Septembeard encourages men to grow a beard in support of Prostate Cancer awareness.  On Thursday some of the team "Beards for Bill" group got together for a picture.

Cut It Out 

Saturday was the Zero end Prostate Cancer walk/run. 

We had the largest team at the event.  It means so much to me that 30 people would take most of their Saturday to San Francisco, walk or run a 5K, then back home.  We also raised over $2,000 for prostate cancer research and awareness.  I wish I could have spent more time with each individual who supported me in the 5K and with donations. 

  

An enriched perspective of the human condition

I'm a runner. 

Running isn't who I am.

But it fuels me.

It fuels my body, mind, and spirit.

Running keeps me at peace with myself, my world, and my God.

I started running again on September 10, six weeks post surgery, 3.5 miles and felt really good. 

Two miles the next day to make sure I wasn’t overdoing it.

Saturday I returned to my regular weekend running group and ran 5.5 miles.

Took a day of rest then ran 2 miles on Monday.

I also returned to work on Monday!  

After almost 7 weeks of recovery I unofficially went  back to work.  

I’m a teacher so I kept my sub for Monday and Tuesday so I could do some lesson planning and will return to the classroom on Wednesday!

Wow! 

When I came back to work I was showered with support.

So many people took time to tell me they had been thinking about me and praying for me. 

Co-workers who told me how they missed my presence. 

Several who told me how they were encourage by this blog. 

Students who told me that they were so happy to see me.

It’s hard to explain, but with each heartfelt comment I feel almost like someone is behind me, wrapping their arms around me lifting me up.

With all the prayer and support I’m getting I feel so much stronger, maybe energized would be a better word. 

This Saturday is the Zero Prostate Cancer walk/run in San Francisco.

I can’t believe that there are almost 25 people who have signed up on my team to do the run and we have raised almost $2,000.

I am well on my way on the Road to Total Recovery!

I’m reminded of the late surgeon general C. Everett Koop’s report on depression I read nearly 15 years ago when I was struggling to recover from depression.

“To return renewed with an enriched perspective of the human condition is the major benefit of recovery. To return at peace, with yourself, your experience, your world, and your God, is the major joy of recovery.”

Going through this cancer journey I defiantly have: 

An enriched perspective of the human condition.

Peace with myself.

Peace with my experience.

Peace with my world.

Peace with my God.

And this all brings me JOY!

UPDATE TO EMAIL TO LOCAL NEWS STATION

After my email to the local news station KCRA regarding the article posted; Cancer Test Men Don't Need they responded with the following:

Thank you very much for your feedback concerning the piece of content titled "Cancer test that men don't need" what was on the KCRA 3 mobile app this morning.

The piece of content was written and put together by our national news partner, which is based in Minneapolis, Minn.  Unfortunately, the content was not properly reviewed by our local staff before appearing on our mobile platforms.  I take full responsibility for that.

After reviewing the slideshow this morning, I agreed that it was not up to KCRA's standards and immediately removed it from our mobile platforms.

I appreciate your note… and the concern you had that this piece of content made it on one of the KCRA's platforms.  Because of your note, we will review our practices when it comes to screening content from our national news team before it is published locally.

They have renewed my confidence and regained my respect as one of the top local news providers in the Northern California area.

Cancer Advice from Consumer Repor

I saw this article on my phone today from a local news station, 

Cancer Test Men Don't Need.

Let's just say, I was moved to contact KCRA news about the article they posted.

The following are excerpts from the email I sent them:

As a 53 year old prostate cancer survivor I was very troubled when I opened my KCRA 3 app and read the article; CANCER TESTS MEN DON’T NEED…. 

… Several of the things that troubled me with your article and the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force are as follows:

- Your article stated, Men aged 50 to 74 should talk with a doctor to see whether the benefits of the test outweigh the harm. What is the harm in getting a $25 blood test when 1 in 6 men in the U.S. will get prostate cancer?

- Your article stated, Test are not likely to detect the cancer at a curable stage.  This year over 230,000 men in the U.S. will be diagnosed with prostate cancer and nearly 30,000 will die of prostate cancer. (From American Cancer Society – not Consumer Reports)  In other words for a large majority of those 230,000 men, prostate cancer is curable.  Should we really be taking cancer advice from Consumer Reports?

- The U.S. Preventive Services Task Force stated in their May 2012 report that, ...very few men die of prostate cancer before age 60.  I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t want to be one of the “very few” men who die of prostate cancer before age 60.  I personally think it is worth a $25 blood test (that my insurance provides at no cost) to find out if I could be among those “very few” men.

- The U.S. Preventive Services Task Force also stated that, ... seventy percent of the deaths due to prostate cancer occur after 75 years. That means that 30%, or 9,000 of the deaths are before age 75.  Not a group I would like to be a part of.

- The U.S. Preventative Services Task Force panel that came up with the recommendation against PSA screening had NO practicing urologists or oncologists.

I could go on and on with facts and figures that support getting a simple PSA blood test to determine the possibility of having prostate cancer, but the best reason I can give as a stage 3 prostate cancer survivor is that a PSA test saved my life.

… In the future I would like to suggest that KCRA not use Consumer Reports when reporting health topics.  However; if you are reporting on the best coffee maker or blender to purchase Consumer Reports should have much more reliable information than the American Cancer Society or Cancer Research Institute.

3.5

My big news??? 

I ran 3.5 miles today!

My Dr. said I could start running 6 weeks after surgery and it’s been 6 weeks since surgery.

I wasn’t sure if I’d even be able to run to the end of the street.

My neighbor, Greg ran with me.  We did 1 mile and I felt pretty good so we ran a second mile. 

No pain.  No soreness. No incontinence.

I decided to throw on an extra half mile before I went home.

Ok... so you figured, 1 + 1 + ½ = 2½  not 3½

However...

My friend Annette ran over to see if she could find us out running the neighborhood.  She stopped at my house about 10 minutes after I finished my run.  Since I wanted her to partake in this special return to running day, I ran her back to her house, then home again for 1 more mile.

I felt like I could have continued for at least a couple more miles, but I’ll take it easy for now.

I’m in no rush to get to my next marathon.

I look at my 6 weeks off from running as...  In the words of the great runner, Jessica Karkoski Strack, “... an opportunity for me to have an epic comeback.”