Where did June go?
Where did the 4th
of July go?
Less than a month away from
surgery.
On July 2, I had my pre-op
physical with my primary care Dr.
He was more concerned with
my mental health than my physical health.
He mentioned that my blood work and EKG look good but we talked more
about the emotional aspect of the surgery.
After having the same surgery a year ago he understands the difficulty
of hearing about all the possible outcomes and not knowing how you’re going to
come out of it. One of the most
difficult things for him was waiting a week after surgery to get the pathology
report. I know I’ll have those questions after surgery too. Did they get it
all? Was the cancer more or less aggressive than the biopsy showed? Am I done
with treatment? My appointment was more like talking to a friend who happens to
be a doctor, about his experiences. I sure am blessed to have a Dr. like him.
The cancer messes more with
my head than with my body. Every day,
every hour, wherever I turn it keeps getting into my head. While I was running
Saturday, I was half way up a hill and started to get winded. The voices kicked
in. “Why are you doing this?” “You can’t
do it.” When I came to the turn, instead of crossing the bridge, I pushed
further up the hill about another 100 feet before I turned and went over the bridge.
I called it my, “F. you
cancer, I’m the one who will determine what I can and can’t do” training.
Running is great therapy and
it’s cheap.
It’s still hard for me to
look out into the future and make plans or goals.
My mind just shuts out the
future.
I don’t have a fear that I
won’t have a future, but my mind can only deal with getting this chapter behind
me.
So my wonderful wife sends
me the following:
"When we
are sure that we are on the right road there is no need to plan our journey too
far ahead. No need to burden ourselves with doubts and fears as to the
obstacles that may bar our progress. We cannot take more than one step at a
time." - Orison Swett Marden
All I have to
do is take one more step...
1 comment:
Thanks for the updates. Keep on running and keep your spirits up. Sending you strength, Ramie
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