I can only take one step at a time...

Where did June go?

Where did the 4^th of July go?

Less than a month away from surgery.

On July 2, I had my pre-op physical with my primary care Dr.

He was more concerned with my mental health than my physical health.  He mentioned that my blood work and EKG look good but we talked more about the emotional aspect of the surgery.  After having the same surgery a year ago he understands the difficulty of hearing about all the possible outcomes and not knowing how you’re going to come out of it.  One of the most difficult things for him was waiting a week after surgery to get the pathology report. I know I’ll have those questions after surgery too. Did they get it all? Was the cancer more or less aggressive than the biopsy showed? Am I done with treatment? My appointment was more like talking to a friend who happens to be a doctor, about his experiences. I sure am blessed to have a Dr. like him.

The cancer messes more with my head than with my body.  Every day, every hour, wherever I turn it keeps getting into my head. While I was running Saturday, I was half way up a hill and started to get winded. The voices kicked in. “Why are you doing this?”  “You can’t do it.” When I came to the turn, instead of crossing the bridge, I pushed further up the hill about another 100 feet before I turned and went over the bridge.

I called it my, “F. you cancer, I’m the one who will determine what I can and can’t do” training.

Running is great therapy and it’s cheap.

It’s still hard for me to look out into the future and make plans or goals. 

My mind just shuts out the future.

I don’t have a fear that I won’t have a future, but my mind can only deal with getting this chapter behind me. 

So my wonderful wife sends me the following:

"When we are sure that we are on the right road there is no need to plan our journey too far ahead. No need to burden ourselves with doubts and fears as to the obstacles that may bar our progress. We cannot take more than one step at a time." - Orison Swett Marden

All I have to do is take one more step...