I choose to be happy...

Sorry such a long post.

After I was diagnosed with prostate cancer I joined an online support group that has been very helpful.  I put out a discussion question asking how long it took men to get back into running, cycling, and swimming.  I had some good responses that have helped me gage what my recovery might look like. However one person, G-man, had an outcome that wasn't so good 4 years ago and felt that he should share his anger with me. I decided to respond to his two post.  I'm putting my response on this blog because it does explain a lot about how I look at the circumstances I face.
Below is a copy of the post I responded with.  If you want to read the entire post with responses you can go to:
Here is that post.
(A screen will pop up to join the group.  You can join or just close the page and re-open it from the link.)

Mr. G-man,

I appreciate that you’ve shared your experience with me and the others who have read this post. I don’t know what to say about your bad experience with RP (Radical Prostatectomy), so I guess I’ll just say I’m sorry for your situation. It’s obvious that you are very upset about the decision you made; I might go as far as to say you that you appear to be angry, and have been angry about it for 4 years.

I think the part about your experience that saddens me the most is not that you had such a bad experience with surgery; but the anger and bitterness that you still hang onto. What is, is. Shit happens, or as you like to say, “it’s a crapshoot” (FYI I’m pretty good at craps when I go to Reno) Maybe it’s time for you to move on in your life and start dealing with some of the anger and stress that this cancer has brought on you. 

You made many bold statements in your first post that I chose not to respond to. I thought about it but decided anyone who reads your post could see some of the same things that I noticed. After your second response I decided I should respond. 

My response is twofold.

1st I hope that you may begin to see and appreciate the life that you have been given as opposed to the alternative of dying a slow 2 year death of metastasized prostate cancer as my father did.

2nd I hope others who read your post will be able to take it with a grain of salt and realize that you had a bad experience and have been angry about it for over 4 years; that the decision you or any of us make will be a life changing decision no matter what that decision is.

I’d like to start by addressing some of your statements. 

In your first post you said, “I was told that I would regain continence after 6 months.”

I would hope that people would be able to realize that no Dr. can guarantee anything. That would be like believing my new car would get 30 mpg on the highway because the little sticker in the window said it would.

You also stated, “I"m sure I was in better shape than you and most men.” 

This is a pretty bold boast. It does sound like you were in pretty good physical shape before you decided on your treatment for PC (Prostate Cancer) . However, to say you were in better shape than me is almost comical. You don’t know me. I’m not going to brag about my accomplishments here but I’m pretty fit.

You said, “If the Dr. who's doing your DaV (robotic surgery) screws up... you will never be happy.”

I have learned that in life happiness isn’t based on past circumstances, but on how we choose to look at things now. I choose to be happy now. It’s true that bad things happen to all of us. We can dwell on those situations or choose to move on. Again; I’m not going to brag; so I won’t go into the obstacles that I’ve overcome, I’m just going to hope that you and others who find themself with this awful situation of prostate cancer will learn to put your past behind you and choose to be happy with what you have now. Please realize this, we are all alive, and compared to the other 7 billion people on this planet we in the U.S. have extremely good lives.

You finished your first post with, “If you do the DaVinci you have a it's like going to Vegas and gambling.” 

As stated above, I’m pretty good at gambling. (Take note that I didn’t say I’m a better gambler than you and most people; because I don’t know that.) I especially enjoy games where I have to make decisions and can see instant results. That’s the way I choose to look at life. If I make a mistake I can learn from my mistakes and try again, or realize that the outcome wasn’t so good and move on.

In your second post you wrote, “I knew "I had cancer" I knew it "cancer" meant death for the most part.”

I think when we hear the word cancer most people do think of death. But I’m under the impression that most men who are diagnosed with prostate cancer don’t think it is an automatic death sentence. I would think Dr. and other cancer survivors would have conveyed this message to most people by the time they are in their 40’s or 50’s. I’m glad you have now realized that cancer doesn’t mean death.

You commented about your Dr. advising you on RP and said, “easy for him to say that never been through this.” Just wanted to throw out a FYI here. My primary care Dr. of almost 20 years, who I actually do trust with my life and have trusted him with my life in more than one situation, has been through prostate cancer. He did AS for a year. During his AS (active surveillance) he researched and talked with some of the well known doctors mentioned throughout posts on UsToo. In the end he chose RRP. He sent me to his urologist/oncologist. When the doctor who I have entrusted my life to sends me to his doctor, I feel I’m in pretty good hands.

You also wrote, “and now they say I have a overactive bladder... Now I'm battling that” 

After having watched my father die a slow death due to his cancer, I think I would much rather have an overactive bladder than the cancer. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that I want an overactive bladder. I’m saying that I have read, researched, talked to many people, doctors, friends, and cancer survivors, and I have come to my educated decision to have RRP (Robotic Radical Prostatectomy) and have chosen the surgeon who I think is best for the job for me.

You ended your second post with, “I'm praying that you make the right decision and you are better off than me.” 
This is music to my ears. I am a man of faith, and I hope you are truly praying for me. God hears the prayers of a righteous man. I also pray that my surgery comes out good. I pray that if it doesn’t come out good I am able to overcome the situation and be thankful for what I do have.
Bill